No Country For Old, Angry, Disinterested Men

 
Gary Roberts, 41, has bones made of toilet paper. Ray Emery is mad he’s not the starting goalie. And Sergei Samsonov has just discovered that no one has ever mistook his Russian sang-froid for anything other than the soft pink truth: He actually couldn’t care less. 
Though we’d shitheaped Roberts props for fighting, it was his [...]

Like Bettman, NHL Annual Hockey Classic a Loser.

“I hear they’re that somewhere down south they’re going to play an NHL hockey game on real outdoor artificial ice that costs millions to make and uses a bazillion kilowatts of coal-generated electricity just so people can watch that Crosby kid with the wind in his hair.”
“Are you fucking serious? Maybe they should play a [...]

Benazir Bhutto Assassinated, John Ferguson Apparently Jealous: Suicide Watch Part 1,000,000

4-3 loss to the Islanders, 4-1 down to Philie, a 6-1 sodmizing by the Rangers. When is the Raycroft meltdown going to end? Can this guy even play hockey anymore? Could he when Ferguson acquired him from Boston? Not really, he was up-and-down like a toilet seat all last season, all through the beginning of [...]

DUI Watch, day 3,921: Ryan Clowe

“I’m HUNGry. Let’s get some Frrrench TOAST.”
Yesterday we said we’d back as soon as something stupid happened.
It did.
It’s here.
It’s stupid.

Merry Fucking Christmas

WayOffside is taking a break to eat and fight with our families. We’ll update this as soon as a player hits his wife, fucks his babysitter, pukes on his arresting officer, or does something innocuous that we can’t help attack them for.
But check back on January 2, after the outdoor game in Buffalo.

Video: Presenting Crosby’s first fight…now with 20% more visor!

From last night. It’s as grainy as Saskatchewan but you can see that Crosby, aided by his protective visor, gets a couple of rights in and makes the top of Andrew Ference’s head bleed. This was after he scored a goal and set up two Malkin goals in the first 12 minutes of the game. [...]

Luongo prefers pads with wings, Turco jealous

Seems Roberto Luongo’s pads are a pube-hair bigger than they should be. So Marty Turco thought he’d bring it to our attention: He strapped on a cardboard pad extension with Luongo’s number on it. (Get it? Get it? What a HOOT!)
After falling down and changing our third pair of pants, we realized that this is [...]

TSN Catches Rare Glimpse Of Own Colon

Ah, Fox. You’re in good company. Calgary won all six games of it’s longest-of-the-season road trip, which ended in a 3-1 win over Columbus last night. But TSN’s power rankings, the non-point related measure of how strong a team really is, has them in 22nd place (!) behind egregious garbage Edmonton and Florida.
Enjoy the [...]

Turd Times the Charm: Hurricanes 3 Leafs 2 Ferguson 0

They’re at it again! No sooner does Bryan McCabe slip from the line-up than the Leaf defenses commit the biggest bed-shitting of the year. Up 2-0 with a minute and a half left in last night’s game against the Carolina Hurricanes, the Leafs, drop two goals then get a bunch of penalties to lose [...]

Sean Avery Is Totally Not A Big Flaming Fag

A couple of weeks ago, we had this to say about Avery. This week, he remains completely not gay.
Case in point? He found himself in the non-gay New York Times again, about 30 pages away from the Sports section….in the manly, tough-guy, non-nonsense fashion section. Seems our boy Avery found the time after his [...]