Sens Fire Coaches: Let the Desperation Begin

AN OTTAWA SENATORS FAN DOES WHAT SENS FANS (AND PLAYERS, AND COACHES, AND OWNERS—EVEN THEIR FUCKING ZAMBONI DRIVERS) DO BEST.
There are certain ineffable signs of impending spring in Canada: frozen dog turds exposed after months under wrap; excited budget chatter in the House of Commons (same thing, really); tulips and rainbows in Vancouver (oh [...]

Noble Viking Sundin refuses to waive no-trade clause.

Nashville’s Legwand makes NHL all-star DUI team

Hi ya’ll. I’m Brad Paisley, and I’m gonna sing you a song about a hero of mine—big-time hockey-playin’ man David Legwand.
He was traveling fast on Eighth Avenue South
When a cop pulled him over, looked him in the mouth
Said, boy you doing 50 in a 35 mile zone.
“Well that may be, occifer my friend
‘cause math ain’t [...]

Lidstrom Goes Down On Laperriere

Yesterday the league’s highest-scoring D-man went down on Ian Laperriere…after he was wallpapered. But it’s not like the Wings will even notice his absence, given their retarded arsenal of Swedish and Russian weaponry. But they are still without the guy with the big C.
If Lidstrom is to miss three weeks it’s [...]

Even Darcy Tucker thinks Darcy Tucker sucks

Finally, the confirmation we’ve been waiting for. The mea culpa was found in today’s Globe and Mail:
“It’s been a real tough year,” Tucker said. “I can’t think back to when in a longer period of time I have struggled to produce.”
He goes on but I wouldn’t bother. (It’s the Globe, after all.) All you [...]

Rob Blake Hearts Los Angeles

Despite rumors, Rob Blake wants to stay in LA
Waive it. Waive your goddamn trade clause. Don’t be a pussy. Do everyone a favor, yourself included, and get the fuck out of there. We know, LA needs a puck moving defenceman, a “veteran” presence, and “grit…” or whatever cliche du jour the newspapers vomit forth. [...]

Ferguson’s DNA: Discuss.

 
Yuh-huh. And as the Leafs slipped to dead last in the Eastern Conference last night, once he no longer had the position to do anything about it, he told TSN that the Leafs should be “sellers.” As in, get rid of Tucker, Sundin,  and McCabe. The ones he chose to extend. The ones he chose [...]

Arrested: Montreal Canadiens for…purse snatching?

Purse snatching? Really? Apparently, along with resisting arrest in Tampa Bay. Given how American cops treat purse snatchers (see video) one has to wonder if it’s safer to pick a fight with Boogaard.

Sure, O’Byrne doesn’t earn like Kovalev. But stealing a purse? Shit, what heterosexual man even HOLDS a purse as [...]

HC rescues JFJ from DQ

Jesus. How much time can one organization spend perusing the insides of its colon? Did you not watch the fucking trainwreck that is the Maple Leafs slowly coming off the rails?

The Oilers May Not Suck…by 2011 or so

The Oilers have been sold to Daryl Katz. Mazel Tov! All of us are kvelling about it. For his part, the shy pharmacy macher had a lot of smart stuff to say, particularly about how he intends to be passionate and wants to attempt to win. The previous owners were, like the Leafs, a [...]