Video: Hitler reacts to the situation in Vancouver

One team. Two chins. No job.

Nonis was fired. And predictably, the Brian Burke rumors are flying. Not the ones about him and Todd Bertuzzi on a Sunday in May, top down on the LeBaron, KFC take-out bags balled up and discarded in the back seat and miles and miles of nothing but….togetherness. No. The other ones.

Quote of the year

Maybe. Just fucking maybe. It’s right up there with Belak’s “we’ve all been caught with our pants down.”

My Favourite Time of Year

IS THAT DANIEL ALFREDSSON IN THERE?

More Summer Love Notes

What to do when your season is over and you need a reason to play… for the Edmonton Oilers that means sharing their misery with a division rival! A game after having their playoff hopes dashed, the injury-addled Oilers eliminated the increasingly pathetic Vancouver Canucks from postseason play with a 2-1 win Thursday night. To add insult to injury, the Oilers hadn’t beaten the Canucks in regulation in almost 16 months. Sweet!

“Fucking with Vancouver’s head is a great way to finish the season,” said goalie Dweezil Rolfingson.

And fuck with the Canucks those Oilies did. Needing a win to control their playoff fate after Minnesota clinched the Northwest Division title by beating Calgary earlier in the evening, Vancouver didn’t manage a goal until a power play with 6:57 left in the third (despite a thousand earlier power plays). Too little, too late as the Canucks lost for the sixth time in seven games and bowed out of the playoffs for the second time in three years.

“We’ve got no one to blame but ourselves… and possibly our fucking Swedishness… plus Roberto Luonginio and his new baby,” captain Markus Naslundersson said, drying his eyes. “In a must-win game we didn’t find a way to do it. If you don’t win these games you don’t deserve to be there. Actually, we don’t really deserve to be in the NHL—but that’s another story. Now all I have to look forward to is Daniel Alfredsson self-destructing again in Ottawa. Poo.”

In the end, the noble Oilers went down fighting, while Vancouver went down doing what they do best… underachieving and snivelling like little girls. Or Swedes.

Dear Edmonton:

Love,

Calgary

Avery, left, (accidentally) doesn’t rule out his own gayness

Re: the allegation that Sean Avery’s name was found in a prostie’s black book:

“We’ve been laughing hysterically about it all morning,” Avery said.

Um, Sean? These people are laughing at your alleged involvement with women.

The Last Week of the Regular Season

Too close to call. See you in the playoffs.

Ex-NHLer Busted for International Drug Smuggling

Uh-huh. Former Predator blueliner Jere Kalahti has been busted for smuggling coke and ecs into Finland.

This raises serious questions like How the fuck does this happen to a hockey player surrounded by agents? And, how can a guy accept two years of minimum wage in the NHL (for a total of around $1 million), and fail to invest it anywhere other than his sinuses?

In addition to wife-hittin’, drunk drivin’, coke snortin’, and Graham James fuckin’, we can finally add international drug financin’. Sweet. That ought to grow the sport.

Not so fast, us

New shit has come to light. Bye-bye, Pronger. (For eight games.)