Why the Canucks will never win the cup.

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No, it’s not because of this pair of typical “fans”, but more about the Cheshire-faced person of indeterminate sex stationed between them, who has clearly been sucking on helium—like the Vancouver Canucks. During last night’s tilt against the Detroit Red Wings, the Canucks skated around smugly like they had the game in the bag after taking a 1-0 lead on a Matt Cooke goal at 5:48 in the first period. That was for all of 12 seconds before Detroit scored to tie it up. That was also when the helium ran out. Hasek-less Detroit went on to earn a 3-2 victory their fifth consecutive win. Still, the Einstein’s on the Motor City squad failed to muster any convincing commentary on how they earned their win. “When they scored, we scored right after,” said the Wings’ Mikael Samuelsson, who had a goal and an assist. Yeah, we saw that. Idiot.

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