Tocchet free to coach, thanks to area between ass and balls


We can’t believe it either. Former NHL great Rick Tocchet was convicted on charges of third-degree conspiracy to promote gambling and third-degree promoting gambling in August. He was betting on sports. He says it wasn’t on hockey. We don’t care. Now he’s allowed to return behind the Phoenix bench in February. According to the Canadian Press on this link, the investigation was thorough. Very thorough:

“Hired by the league to lead an internal investigation, former Unabomber prosecutor Robert Cleary interviewed 90 people to find out the extent of Tocchet’s taint.”

According to well placed sources, Tocchet’s taint extends from his balls to his asshole. We didn’t ask 90 people to find out. We asked Gary Bettman’s face.


2 Responses

  1. It wasn’t HOCKEY? Well shit, that makes it totally okay then, I killed some people last week, but fuck it, they were OLD.

  2. Why wasn’t it hockey? What the fuck else is fun to bet on? All the other sports except curling are fixed…

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