Saturday night the Leafs were in hard against the Habs in an end-to-end thrillfest, but Hockey Night in Canada’s dynamic dweebs, Don Cherry and Ron McLean, weren’t about to waste words on the game. Wearing 20 kilos of make-up and a purple suit, Cherry’s comments predictably started with the Canadian Legion, moved on to his garish Tweety and Puddy-tat tie, then a book, Walking with Legends, that he never explained (’cause he probably can’t read like Jacques Demers). So far, so normal. Then the meat: bullish on anti-cancer charity work, Cherry let the French fucks know what he thought about them slagging Saku Koivu for not speaking the language that has given us place-names like mange-le-castor: “You’re insecure and you’re pathetic!” He also praised Jagr for scoring a goal while modelling toothless for the Bobby Clarke foundation. While medical authorities agree that speaking supportively of two Europeans suggests almost certain deterioration of his cerebral cortex, Cherry followed up with textbook screeds about OHL scouts, midget hockey, beauty shootout goals, and inattentive players going into the corners. Diagnosis: Cherry is surely losing it but his medication is keeping him in the game.
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