BREAKING! Selanne and Niedermayer Still Retired! Sort Of!

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“I don’t know if you can ever gauge that as far as keeping that out of the [room],” Coach Randy Carlyle tells the Los Angeles Times when pressed on whether the topic is keeping his players up at night. “That’s part of human nature when it’s been reported that this is happening and that’s happening.”

See? I mean, who’s to say if the two veterans, whose absence is clearly having an effect on the Ducks, are “retired”? In this day and age, what with modern technology? Is anyone really “retired” anymore? Hell, Ted Williams is dead, and he’s not necessarily retired at this point.

In more pressing news, the Ducks and Kings square off again tonight, and they’ll have to do it without bangers, mash, and funny accents, but at least they’ll do it with lights. The cross-county rivals are back on home soil, and starting now we’re calling these little get togethers the “I-5 Imbroglio.” Mostly because we’re sure it will give Jake hives.

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