The Dallas Stars Need A Mircale, Get Brett Hull Instead

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Today Dallas owner Tom Hick(s) fired GM Doug Armstrong, the man who got them the Cup, locked up Turco to a long-term deal, and achieved the third-most amount of NHL wins since 2002. It came after a “disappointing 7-7 start,” something Phoenix actually aspires to. Clearly, it’s Armstrong’s fault that Turco hasn’t been great, Modano appalling, and the team is relying on–wait for it–Mike Ribeiro for scoring.

The solution? Hire Brett Hull. This is a bad idea. Invading Iraq bad. What else can Hull do besides fill up the TV frame with his giant head and blame Armstrong for everything bad that happens this season?

(Clue: see the fifth picture)


7 Responses

  1. Dear God…is that bed the result of Don Cherry’s “Simultaneous ejaculation and pants-pooing” from yesterday?

    And a “disapppointing 7-7 start’? you’re right–there are several teams that would love a 7-7 start. What the hell?

  2. wow. you’re as obsessed with hockey as i am with football…sorry, soccer. at least though you are being creative with your obsession. i’m still stuck in the “just-checking-the-bbc-for-latest-news….every-ten-minutes” stage.

    nice work


  3. Mircale? Is that something like percale since you have the bedding reference?

  4. which photo is Brett Hull?

  5. I realize that this is November 29, and your article was written November 13, but I just wanted to see what the immediate changes would be. Do you still think this was a bad idea? The team has more spark than they have had in a loooooonnnnnnnnggggggg time. Brett and Les are going to do a great job in this position and I hope they are kept in the position permanently. According to one of the most highly regarded players on the team, the guys seem to have a relieved attitude and are now working together much better. This change should have been made at least three years ago, if not more, especially in light of the inept trades that Armstrong made. Good riddance and GO STARS!!

  6. StarsRule: we’re more shocked than anyone. The reason we were so down on it was a) Doug Armstrong is a smart hockey man. His players were underperforming. We didn’t see it as his fault. And b) the rumors swirling around the move sounded as though Hull had muscled his way in. Which is simply not cool, especially if you have exactly ZERO managerial experience.

    The Stars are a great team. And they were great under Armstrong, too.

  7. Yeah, Morary: We know nothing about hockey. They’re OWNING Detroit.

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