Here’s what you missed last night:
Hell is still hot, pigs have yet to make significant aviation achievements from my rectum, and Jiri Tlusty is wearing clothes, but George Laraque actually scored a goal: The game winner over the suddenly-good Islanders. It was Laraques’ first goal in 40 games. Basically, he fucked a Red Mile slump-buster…only she was a 10.
Last night was a battle of losers in the Northwest division: Minnesota versus the Oil in the Alberta capital. Apropos, then, that a perenial loser to emerge the hero. Eric Belanger, who has failed to live up expectations by every metric in hockey along with a bunch we haven’t figured out yet, set up all four Minnesota goals. With Gaborik just back from IR and Demitra out with a vaginal injury, this is who they now have to rely on. Granted, the Oilers must have been tired. The night before they were in Vancouver and squeaked through a snooze-fest 0-0 game, winning the shootout thanks to Ales Hemsky’s backhand-to-roof over Luongo. But to outshoot the horribly injured Wild 40-25 and lose in their own building–with “number 1 goalie” Dwayne Roloson and his egregious .840 save percentage–is sad, sad, sad.
The Ducks have turned their appalling season around with a 6-3 pummeling of the LA Kings. Corey Perry scored on a breakaway, proving he’s much more than just a professional pain-in-the-ass, a la Sean Avery. Perry’s first goal came courtesy a D-splitting pass from Chris Kunitz. He scored another and set another up, bringing the Ducks their third straight win and their second win over LA this week alone. This, and the fact that our boy Scott Niedermayer is training to rejoin them, could be the proverbial Pepto to their Stanley Cup hangover.
The much, much slower Eastern Conference saw some actual skating in it, or at least six or seven minutes of balls to the wall, run-and-gun hockey that Westerners call “hockey.” The Rangers and the Flyers, second and formerly first in the division, went at it until Brendan Shanahan handed Philly their first home loss in the season. In the post game interview, Shanahan was effusive about the win. “It shows that we’re doing something right,” he said. Then he stopped talking. Chris Drury, formerly Daniel Briere’s teammate, tipped off goalie Henrik Lundqvist about Briere’s go-to shoot out move. Lundqvist threw out his stick and poke checked the puck away, stealing the win. Professional wrestling should be so lucky to get this kind of drama.