Calgary Flames Declare War On Music

In the middle of the Canucks-Flames game last night, Sportsnet decided to ruin our intermission pee break with some “music journalism” instead of ruining it with their usual mix of “analysis.” The offending journalism was about Flames’ forward Mark Smith. Seems the nominally used centreman has a band. A bad one. But Smith’s band is part of Calgary’s legacy of musical terribleness:

smith-blows.pngMark Smith, blowing

Player: Mark Smith
Band: Vinyl Trees
Sounds Like: Dave Matthews, only way, way, way more gay. PS, the didgiridoo is awesome! It’s like he’s talking out of a giant stick!
Hear it if you must: thevinyltrees.com
Band potential as NHL metaphor: Fourth-line for Hershey

grinder.jpgMcCarty, sans jersey

Player: Darren McCarty
Band: Grinder
Sounds Like: Punk rock. We had to turn it off after McCarty sang, “I don’t mind/if the sun won’t shine…we’re all out of our heads”
Hear it if you must: myspace/grinder
Band potential as NHL metaphor:
Playing Junior ‘B’ for Graham James

lanny.pngLanny
Player: All, 1986
Band:
No clue. They went Britney on it.
Sounds Like: Sax-based garbage, a la Glen Fry’s “The Heat Is On”
Hear it if you must:
click the video below
Band potential as NHL metaphor: Well, they made it to the Stanley Cup finals

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One Response

  1. On the last one, you gotta give them credit–I mean, you can’t touch a Flame when it’s RED HOT! It’s like a magic thing that can’t be bought.

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