Three Teams Who Need A Miracle


The season is one-quarter finished. You know who’s been good (Ottawa, Detroit, New York Rangers). And you know who’s radically improved but remains inconsistent (Chicago, Philadelphia, Columbus). But the truly awful have yet to receive much attention. Case in point? TSN and CBC are so busy fellating that guy who plays for Pittsburgh, they can’t see the forest for the shit-smeared trees.

1. Washington. The Washington press corps, who have lately given Iraq one big journalistic yawn, have turned to…their hockey team? All of a suddne it’s Yay Ovechkin! Yay non-Ovechkins! Yay coach Hanlon! And then they won three whole games! Straight! Ahem, That was a month ago. Now they’ve 6-14 on the year, 2-7-1 in the last ten games, and lost five straight. The penalty kill is dead last. Even the nominally interested Washington fans are chanting for Hanlon’s head during games. He’s a goner by January.

2. Pittsburgh. Yes, we know they have some obscure little center from Nova Scotia we’ve barely heard about and some diminutive Calder winner from Russia. Nevertheless, things that win games are missing–like a penalty kill. (They’re second-worst in the leageu. Also, the goaltending is bad. Ty Conklin bad. Pittsburgh’s solution? Rotate the shit (Sabourin) with the awful (Fleury), collectively close their eyes, and pray that Crosby scores enough. He can’t.

3. Los Angeles. Within 365 days, they added Rob Blake, Tom Preissing, Ladislav Nagy (!), and Brad Stuart. They join young gun Anze Kopitar, Frolov, power forward Michael Handzus, and hotshit goalie Jason Labarbera. It’s reasonably deep talent, no question. But they’re 4-5-1 in the last ten, and dropped four straight. By the time I finished typing the last sentence, Phoneix just made it five straight losses, thanks to their terrible PK, just a hair better than the Penguins. But up to this point, has anyone said anything about Marc Crawford’s coaching? No? This is like sitting at the dinner table with a child rapist and talking about the weather.


5 Responses

  1. you mean rotating sabourin and fleury ??

  2. bryan: oops. That’s what we meant.

  3. they’re all one and the same lol

    actually, surprisingly, sabourin has been doing a better job than fleury of late

  4. I don’t know… I think they’ll keep Hanlon around until after Christmas. Only a complete fucking idiot would fire the dude when half the bastard’s team has been out and missing for the last couple of months. It’s not like Hanlon’s the fuckmeat responsible for that ECHL defence… wait… what… did you just call Marc Crawford a kiddie fucker or a weatherman?

  5. ..Rotate the shit (Sabourin) with the awful (Fleury), …

    I initially read that as “Rotate the shit out of Fleury “and it gave me a really bad image. Eucch!

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