Eyewitness Account: Oilers Sucking Worse Than Ever

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I don’t want to kick the Oil when they’re down. But they’re perpetually down, and periodically we must all kick, and here we are. Tonight I saw the Oilers play the Avs. The crowd was pathetic as ever. They didn’t even hassle fans wearing Oilers jerseys, which is heavy on the weak sauce, nor did the ushers hassle us when we snuck down to the 7th row.

Up close, I learned this: TV does not capture the utter disaster that is this team. Hemsky was invisible. Penner a lazy disgrace. Staios a -2 turnover artist. Gagner a premature tadpole. Torres a piece of neutral zone flotsam. It should have been a 7-0 blowout but the Avs eased off in the final ten minutes. Look at the shot count alone:

First period shots: 17-3, Avs
At the end of the second period: 36-9, Avs
Total shots: 43-13, Avs

Kevin Lowe is probably all over monster.com this very minute.

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