Four things to think about this weekend…

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1. Phoenix veteran D Ed Jovonoski has been suspended a whopping one game for hitting Minnesota’s Marian Gaborik in the melon. He’ll also surrender $34,000 for it. Think about how long it takes you to earn $34,000.

2. The guy who replaced Hanlon to coach Washington was an extra in Slap Shot. Think about how much more you like this guy now that you know this.

3. Anton Volchenkov, the Senators’ shut-down defenseman and the league leader in blocked shots, is out for four weeks with a broken index finger. Think about the last time you broke a finger. Think about those ten seconds when you considered not playing beer league…before changing your mind.

4. Both of Calgary’s goaltenders have appalling save percentages (.885 for Kiprussoff, the lowest of any starter in the league; .872 for back-up Curtis McElhinney.) Meanwhile, Calgary’s offense has scored more than any other team in the division…and they remain in second-last place. Now think about Mike Keenan and Darryl Sutter. Think about which underused, great back-up goalie they’re surely hunting for and who they’ll give up to get him. Think about the name Kristian Huselius, written in bloody semen at the top of Keenan’s shit list. Think about this list, which is really a Torah-like scroll of parchment made from the skin of an extinct species.

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3 Responses

  1. i’m glad i’m not the only one who things that a broken finger is a BS excuse to not play some hockey!

  2. I disagree with the brain diagram: the green bit about internet should be much bigger and the wu-tang bit smaller.

  3. Beer! Where is the beer section?

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