In case you were watching The Hills….

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Uh, we weren’t. Really. Even though Lauren is a tower of insightful social commentary…and tits. From last night’s games:

1. Like a Bulgarian she-gymnast, Alex Auld‘s career appeared over by age 26. After getting traded three times since 2006 and spending a stint in the minors, Auld returned to the NHL, picking up for the Bruins because their two best goalies were hurt and Rask, their rookie, looked confused. It was a desperate move. Shit, the Bruins probably called Andy Moog first. But last night Auld stopped 44 shots to take the Bruins over the Sabres. This is the same guy who became a Bruin on Thursday, beat the Leafs on Saturday, and stopped 33 shots in the second and third periods last night. Monster.com can wait, homes. Boston 4, Buffalo 1

2. Tonight was the first time since November 29th that Vincent Lecavalier didn’t post a single point as Toronto beat the living shit out of the Lightning. Jason Blake tipped in a beauty, Kilger potted two while Hal Gill of concrete hands fame had two helpers, for six points in four games. (You know you’re in deep shit if this guy gets points against you.) Worse, Brad “The Teeth” Richards left the game with a savage leg injury. Lightning coach John Tortorella, naturally, was furious, telling the media scrum his team had just suffered through “…a good ‘ol fashion shitkicking.” Toronto 6, Tampa Bay 1

3. WayOffside loves Chris Pronger. Not like the love Tom Cruise has for show tunes but manly adoration. Bromance, if you will. So it hurts to see him play like a slack bastard this year. (Pronger is currently a -5 and recording the vast majority of his points on the PP.) But Pronger proved to be the hero last night, taking the most penalized team in hockey past Columbus with a slapper in OT. We still love you. Anaheim 4, Columbus 3

4. Who belongs on a shelf at Williams Sonoma with the other flour sieves? Dwayne fucking Roloson, that’s who. The Oilers “starter” played exactly 9 minutes, six seconds before Craig MacTavish frantically pulled his goalie in front of thousands. Garon let it in one more, and Dallas put them out of their misery in OT. Dallas 5, Edmonton 4

5. After the Devils’ nine-game winning streak ended to the Rangers in OT yesterday, Brodeur needed a rest. So Kevin Weekes started. Underused and underrated, Weekes did his best to backstop them against the league-worst Capitals. But thanks to hugely famous superstars like, um…uh… Jeff Schultz (?) and Quintin Laing (??), who scored a goal each, it didn’t matter. The Caps are now 5-3-1 since they turfed Hanlon. Washington 3, New Jersey 2

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