Paul Maurice hearts Vincent Lecavalier

vinnie.gifVinnie, in SI’s 2003 Swimsuit Issue

The lead story on the CBC hockey page is about how the Leafs plan on containing the Vincent Lecavalier, the NHL’s leading scorer. The story was about something else (the Leafs play the Lightning soon?) but the point of which was lost on us….because of the gayest comments that have ever poured forth from Paul Maurice. He had the following to say about Lecavalier:

1. “He was an incredibly gifted and thin young man.”
2. “He’s been a great player for a long time, but he grew into being a big man.”
3. “He’s a powerful man.”

But all the thrusting power in Lecavalier’s hips won’t matter one shit this season. Nor will the Lightning’s Martin St. Louis, Brad Richards, or Vaclav Prospal–each among the top 40 scoring players in the league. Why? Because this team has yet to fill the pipes with a true, number-one goaltender since Khabibulin decamped for Chicago. Playing Johan Holmqvist is simply not the answer. What, you think he’s just going to get better with age like a fruity Merlot? If anything, he’s a lot less the latter and much more of the former. And with Dan Boyle out of an already weak blueline, Holmqvist can’t possibly stop sucking. The Lightning are 3-5-2 in their last ten, have two fewer goals for than goals against, and are playing a pubic hair above .500.

All of which boils down to this: Paul Maurice is attracted to Vincent Lecavalier.

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