Heated Skate Blades To Make Game Faster, Minnesota Should Buy Some Already


There was an ad for Thermablade–the heated skate blade–floating around TSN’s website a little while back. The big question was Does it work?

It was hard to tell. Just when we thought we were convinced, we saw that Wayne Gretzky was endorsing them…which threw us way the fuck off the trail. Lately, the Great One has been the Great Seller of anything. He was Ford’s guy in Canada for a stretch, even after the Exploders Explorers had their problems and the brand struggled with reliability issues. Then there’s his cheesy restaurant in the tourist ghetto of Toronto, and recently, Gretzky’s winery. There’s also Gretzky’s endorsement of the Phoenix Coyotes by coaching them, and doing so egregiously. According to the New York Times in their round-about way, no one gives a rat’s ass how good he was. Under his watch, his team posted 14 fewer points than they did the year before. What’s next, endorsing the #99 signature line of nerve gas?

Anyway, heated skate blades: do they work, despite Gretzky’s reflexive thumbs up? Well, we were stoned off our tits during physics. But it sounds about right. Four NHLers are using the product, albeit secretly. Stay tuned.


One Response

  1. This is retarded… I can see the squeegee stoppages now cleaning up after players melt the ice while waiting and waiting and waiting for a puck to drop, or after thirty players have been bunched up together in the crease waiting for a shot from the point. What’s next, a side action blade catapult that saves ankles from the general wear and tear of movement?

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