Video: Chris Simon Surrenders To Giant Wang

Um, to Charles Wang, the owner of the Islanders. Wang spoke to the press about the Islander’s decision to give suspended forward Chris Simon a time out from his play date after he stomped on Jarko Ruutu with his skate (see video).

What Wang said: “The actions of Chris Simon on Saturday do not reflect what the New York Islanders stand for. They were reckless, potentially dangerous and against our team concept of grit, character and heart.”
What he meant: “This sort of thing happens to the Flyers every day. Saying your sorry works for them, so fuck it, I’m sorry.”

What Wang said: “We know Chris as a respected teammate and as a gracious man away from the playing surface.”
What he meant: “Jesus hidden Christ in a lunchbox, who fucking STOMPS on a guy with a skate?”

What Wang said: “We believe strongly that he has earned our continued support. The Islanders are going to provide some time for Chris away from the team and give him the counseling he needs and the compassion he deserves.”
What he meant: “We’d commit him if it weren’t for the stupid laws in this country.”

What Wang said:When Chris is completely ready, he will be a member of our team again.”
What he meant: “I can’t wait to trade this asshole.”

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One Response

  1. +many! I would quote a line, but they’re all pretty great

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