Who the Fuck is John Mitchell?

Midway through the third period, it seemed the New York Rangers were on their way to another shutout victory against the Toronto Maple Leafs. But then John Mitchell, the guy who spent years in the flaming hell of the minors, was beamed down from heaven. The rookie scored his first two NHL goals during a five-goal outburst in less than six minutes as Toronto won a wild 5-2 affair at the Air Canada Centre. Things didn’t look good with the Leafs down 2-0 when Mitchell was whistled for holding with 9:50 remaining in regulation. But the Leafs killed the penalty and Mitchell started the party when he beat Steve Valiquette at 12:36—just 26 seconds after his penalty expired. After Jason Blake tied the game at 14:02, Pavel Kubina put Toronto ahead 52 seconds later. With 3:54 left Mitchell threw another puck at the net for a two-goal Toronto lead. Dominic Moore finished the onslaught at 17:57, as the Rangers left the rink completely shell-shocked. “The trolley came off the tracks with silly passes in the offensive zone that allowed a good transition team to get excited,” Rangers coach Tom Renney said. “We deserved what we got. We’ve got to deal with this in a mature way, take responsibility and move on. We’ll be praying that Mitchell gets hit by a bus and rots in hell.”


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