Fantasy 4, Reality 0

True fantasy #1: Winging the wong numbers. It started with a season-opener bed shitting to the Leafs. And last night, when the Red Wings immortalized Alex Delvecchio with a bronze statue and called him up to the broadcast booth to distract them from the usual partisan tripe, the lowly Canucks knocked them off in OT. Not bad.

True fantasy #2: Blues 6, Dallas 1. Turco pulled after just a few goals. Brett Hull, you’re a champ!

True fantasy #3: Malkin loses his shit. The usual Caps-Pens media showdown was actually justified for a change. El Penguinos went up 3-0, then Ovechkin started taking runs at Malkin. And Malkin, as we all know, looks like he has Downs, appears on the edge of tears at all times, speaks English like an autistic two-year-old, and is known for being the ultimate quiet type. Which made it all the better that you could hear him yelling in Russian at Ovechkin after he took a run at him. And you could hear it in the broadcast booth, and on TV. To learn how to say anything horrible about Ovechkin’s mother, find it on Youtube. I couldn’t be fucked to find if for you today.

True fantasy #4: Stevie Y is more important than Gretzky. The great Reddened Wang will helm Canada’s hopes for Olympic hockey gold in Vancouver.

Lidstrom Goes Down On Laperriere

Yesterday the league’s highest-scoring D-man went down on Ian Laperriere…after he was wallpapered. But it’s not like the Wings will even notice his absence, given their retarded arsenal of Swedish and Russian weaponry. But they are still without the guy with the big C.

If Lidstrom is to miss three weeks it’s not the biggest deal: he’ll be back for playoffs. But it kind of makes you wonder if the age-old xenophobia of “Will a Euro captain finally win the Cup?” will ever go away. Non-retards are fairly convinced that it’s unlikely until one of them actually wins the fucker.