Welcome Back, Hitler

I remember a few years back there was some story about Bertuzzi doing something to some guy named Moore. You probably missed it. (The guy was slightly hurt and nobody noticed. Everything’s fine.) Anyway, according to a fucking idiot on my hockey team, a guy who allegedly “knows people in Colorado,” Moore is milking his injury for the never-ending civil trial that will see no resolution for anyone except for hockey journos making a fat word rate.

Which brings us to the Toddler. So he isn’t the fat, evil baby we thought he was. Still a prick, mind you, but he cried during the press conference. Which makes everything OK. Each tear was a truth and reconciliation commission stuffed inside a Care Bear doll. But not for Calgarians. Not at the time. But damned if the Toddlder isn’t winning them over now. Three goals in two games. An upper lip laden with chew for every single interview. Actually enjoying himself on the ice.

Furthermore, he could be the antidote for soft play from the likes of Huselius, a guy that Keenan had the pleasure of trading twice. Kind of like a Larry King wife. As for the Toddler, him putting the puck in the net almost makes you forget his…what the fuck were we talking about? Go TODD! We LOVE YOU!!!

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Video: Goal of the year

Last night, Columbus took on the Coyotes. Normally two teams we could give a shit about. But tied 3-3, 30 seconds left in the game, Mike Peca sends the outlet pass to Rick Nash who then tears off the Coyotes penises and feeds it to them.

…but is it better than Kovalchuk’s end-to-end, “I Russian, you nyet” reminder for all of us? Meh, don’t think so. To win it in the dying seconds, with no chance to pass trumps pretty much anything.

Hitchcock The Hut To Fedorov: Skate Or I’ll Eat You

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Columbus coach Ken Hitchcock can read. That makes him smarter than Jacques Demers. He can also turn a franchise around. That makes him smarter than Craig MacTavish, John Ferguson, and Marc Crawford. Hitchcock’s giant brain was exposed on Sunday, when his Blue Jackets were up against the much better Red Wings. With the Jackets ahead early in the game, the Wings sank two quick goals on a 5-on-3, then another seconds later on the 5-on-4. Columbus evened things but Detroit pulled ahead on a softie that Leclaire let in. Clearly, this goalie was about to blow the game and needed to take a time out from his play date. Hitchcock’s solution? Pull Lecalair…but only for two minutes. Hitchcock recognized that Leclaire needed a good cry and a hug on the bench and indulged him. (Clearly, Hitchcock enjoys pulling his goalie as much as the rest of us.) Anyway, Leclaire went back out on the next whistle and backstopped his team into the shoot-out, which he would ultimately lose. But Hitchcock’s true brilliance was manifest in the stellar performances of Zherdev and Fedorov. Without torture or threats of violence, Hitchcock actually convinced Russians to try.

Mexican Soccer League Expanding: Meet The Prince George Timbersnatchers!

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Confused? So were the people of Nashville when the NHL announced that they suddenly had a hockey team. Ten minutes later, Craig Leipold put the Predators up for sale. Then they were only for sale to Americans. And now they’re not for sale to anybody. Today it was announced that the silly bastards couldn’t even agree on a news conference to announce that local businessmen had stepped in to buy this piece of shit franchise. Yes, the Predators ownership has stacked the board with 14-year-old girls. They think that 11,000 people attending an average game is perfectly healthy.

You know that feeling after you dump the girl who doesn’t have Downs but insists on pronouncing the word “specific” like it’s the world’s biggest ocean? You love that feeling. Leipold doesn’t know what he’s missing.